Lessons From My 20th Year
Started on June 2, 2024. Completed on October 13, 2024 (really forgot about this). I want to continue the “series” I began last year and cover all of the new lessons I have learned in my 20th year of life. These are in no particular order or hierarchy.
One thing I definitely noticed is how recurrent themes are from my previous year’s lessons. I rewrote 2 of them and then realized I’d already written about them!
I. Synergies Really Exist
Synergy is when the combination of two items is greater than their individual sum (i.e. 2+2 > 4). It sounds like magic, and for a long time I thought it was. If anything, I thought that the opposite were true. If there are two people who can complete a task in an hour individually, it wouldn’t take them less than 30 minutes to complete it together. If anything, it takes them more than 30. Knowing when you have found synergy, and knowing how to keep it going are two insanely difficult tasks.
The place that has taught this to me the most has been rowing. When there are 8 guys rowing in perfect sync, the boat feels infinitely better than if there are 7 guys rowing in sync and one a millisecond off. I don’t think I’ve ever felt a feeling like that before. It’s like the runner’s high on steroids because not only are you fully conscious of your own movement, but you can feel 7 other people in perfect sync with you. Times like this didn’t come often in the novice boat, but when they did everyone could feel it click.
Since feeling this, I’ve tried to detect it in other places in my life. I think there are a few people who when I do a PSET with them it feels infinitely easier and ideas are flowing really well. Is this synergy? I’m not sure. As of the writing of this, I am doing an internship in Tokyo. And I think I work really well with a few of the interns here. Is this synergy? I don’t know.
It’s so obvious when it’s physical. And I still haven’t had that “aha” moment where I can feel synergies elsewhere. I think it’s a lot harder to find synergies with people.
Throughout this next year of my life, I’ll try and filter as many interactions as I have through this “synergy” filter and try and dissect exactly what it feels like in a non-physical context.
II. Self-Awareness / Selfless-ness
I think it’s ok to do things solely for your own personal benefit at times. This is a large change in my “morals” (though is this immoral?). One of my dad’s core values is to “do what is right for others.” I feel like to date, I have lived my life as much as possible in the service of others. Generosity is one of my core values (alongside compassion and integrity). But is being selfish orthogonal to those values? I don’t know yet. I feel like karma wise, it’s probably not great. But what if it feels right? And it’s what you want to do? I think life’s too short to be perfect 100% of the time, and sometimes you just need to let go of every ideal we convince ourselves are the ultimate truth.
IV. Minor Changes -> Big Impacts
The compound effect is well-known and written about widely. “Be 1% better every day and in 1 year you’ll be 38x better.” Well, that assumes that every 1% you improve, you are able to keep. But we all know that progress is never exponential. It’s like a stochastic (random) process. So, when I say that minor changes make big impacts, I’m not talking about being 1% better every day. I’m talking about filtering every decision you make with your goals. If your goal is to get an internship and then you find yourself brain rotting on Instagram reels, that is a pretty obvious action that you can filter out. If even 1% of the Instagram time gets replaced by internship time, then that’s a major improvement! Another thing I love is to just get started. Want to start an essay? Write 15 words and call it good. Start a book? Read 1 page. Go for a run? Go down the block and back. Often, the inertia of inaction is the hardest thing to overcome. And then the inertia of action kicks in and keeps you going.
V. Cause-Effect Delay
Those minor changes listed above don’t take effect for weeks or months at a time. There is no instant payout. And our society has become accustomed to instant gratification. Patience wins out in the long term. From my previous year’s lesson: expectation breeds disappointment.
VI. Impact isn’t a singular thing
Having an impact / creating value / producing meaning has been the “central goal” of my life (I use that term very weakly). These past two years, my entire idea of what my career would be has changed. And it continues to change. Do my new career choices create impact? What does impact even mean? This is something I’ll think more deeply about. Right now, I think it’s trying to benefit the people around me the most (and being generous with my time to help them achieve what they want)
VII. Nothing ever hurts as bad as you think it will (time solves)
On my birthday, I landed in Tokyo. I hated it. I got to my AirBNB after a treacherous 2.5 hour early morning journey involving 3 trains and way too many stairs. After I moved in, I started tearing up. I called my sister and brother and they tried to calm me down but I was convinced that I would hate it. Somehow, after just 4 hours, I believed that nothing could change my initial opinion. And then my roommates moved in and we went to dinner and everything felt better. This is a phenomenon I’ve noticed in myself a lot: delayed emotional adaptation. Time solves every single problem. And when you find yourself sad, angry, upset, depressed, anxious, etc. count dow 14 days and I promise it will feel less bad.